HOW TO STOP SETTING THE SAME GOALS YEAR AFTER YEAR

"I can't believe I worked so hard this year and still haven't achieved a single one of my big goals. These goals look suspiciously similar to last year's list. And the year before that."

Sound familiar? I have actually heard this several times in calls with new clients recently.

If you're feeling an uncomfortable twinge of recognition, I wrote this for you.

You've been working hard—incredibly hard, actually—but somehow you keep ending up in the same place, feeling like you're running on a treadmill that's going nowhere.

There is nothing wrong with you if you're in this pattern. 

But it can be tricky to break out of.

Why We Restart the Same Goals Over and Over

Human beings are patterned creatures by design. We gravitate toward what's familiar, we repeat it, and that very act of repetition weaves it into the fabric of our lives. It becomes who we are—or at least, who we think we are.

However, the old strategies that built your past success often become the very obstacles preventing your next evolution.

You might recognize this:

1. Setting extraordinary and exciting goals that would require you to be superhuman
2. Beating yourself up when you inevitably fall short of perfection
3. Questioning everything.
4. Pushing harder, searching for more advice, maybe adding another productivity system to the stack 
5. Isolating yourself until you feel "ready" or "worthy" enough to show up fully
6. Going back to step 1.

This pattern isn't a character flaw. It's simply running a system that doesn't work for what you're trying to do.

It's like trying to open a can with a blowtorch. 

Wrong tool, way too much effort. Really messy results!

The Real Reason Your Goals Keep Failing

The goals themselves might not be the problem.

The you who set them might be.

If you’re defining success as endless hard work or tying your worth to results, bigger goals will feel misaligned.

They create friction. Resistance. That persistent, “I want this. I’m giving it everything. Why is it still so hard?” feeling.

Your next chapter can’t be built on the blueprint of the last one.

Why You Keep Failing at Your Big Goals—Even When You Work Harder Than Ever

Let's start here:

Old Thinking: "I'm stuck—which means I'm failing so I need to work harder to fix it."

New Thinking: "I’m reaching for goals that matter, which means I’m growing. Getting stuck sometimes is part of the process—and that’s okay. I just need a tool I don't have yet."

See the difference? One treats you like a problem. The other treats you like a hero on a mission.

You just need to find someone who'll hand you the can opener so you can put down the blow torch.

The easier path to change isn’t more discipline. It’s self-compassion, gentleness, and the radical act of treating yourself as worthy of support. Because you are.

Patterns don’t define you.

Just because you fall into a pattern doesn't mean you have to stay in it.

How to Actually Break Free from Recurring Goals

Step One: Notice You're Stuck (This Is Harder Than It Sounds)

The first step—and often the hardest—is simply recognizing that you're in a pattern at all. When you're living inside it, it just feels like "life." You need distance to see it clearly.

You can create that distance in three ways:

• Physically step back. Disrupt your routine. Change your environment, or simply switch up the rhythm of your daily life. New surroundings create space for new thoughts.
• Mentally step back. Engage in reflection exercises. Revisit your values. Imagine your 80-year old self looking back at you in this moment—what would they want you to know? What would they tell you to do differently?
• Lean on others for perspective. Ask trusted people for perspective. Sometimes, we need a mirror held by someone else.

Step Two: Make One Small Different Choice

Awareness alone isn’t enough. Take one small, different action—no overhauls, no seventeen new habits. Just one.

Today, could you:

• Ask for what you actually need (instead of what you think you should need)?
• Stop avoiding the conversation you've been pushing off for months?
• Let go of who you think you need to be and show up as who you actually are?
• Engage in one open, honest conversation about what's really going on?
• Ask someone for help (yes, successful people need help too)?

Discomfort is normal. But by choosing differently, you’ve already proven your strength—your willingness to leave comfort behind and step toward what’s healthy, joyful, and fulfilling. 

Step Three: Rewrite Your Goals from Your New Identity

Once you've begun to shift the pattern, it's time to look at those goals again. But this time, ask yourself:

• Are these goals aligned with who I'm becoming, or who I used to be?
• What would I choose if I trusted that my worth wasn't on the line?
• What becomes possible when I stop grinding and start building from a place of alignment?

Your goals should energize you, not exhaust you before you even begin.

Putting It Into Action

Ready to break the cycle? Here are three concrete steps to start today:

1. Create a Pattern Audit
   Set aside 30 minutes this week to review your goals from the past 2-3 years. What keeps showing up? What have you been carrying forward without questioning? Write down the patterns you notice without judgment—just observe.
2. Choose Your One Small Different Choice
   Pick one area where you've been stuck in an old pattern. Identify the smallest possible different action you could take this week. Not the biggest, most dramatic shift—the smallest, most doable one. Then do it. Notice what happens.
3. Rewrite One Goal from Your Future Identity
   Take one recurring goal and rewrite it from the perspective of the version of you that's already evolved past the old pattern. How would that version of you approach this goal? What would change about the timeline, the method, or the "why" behind it?

Helpful Resources

• How to Conduct a Year-End Review That Actually Creates Change - Harvard Business Review's guide to reflection that goes beyond surface-level goals
• The Science of Self-Compassion - Dr. Kristin Neff's research on why being kind to yourself actually accelerates growth
• Daring Greatly -when we step back and examine our lives, we will find that nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous, or hurtful as standing on the outside looking in and wondering what it would be like if we had the courage to step into the arena. Daring Greatly by Brene Brown is a practice and a powerful vision for letting ourselves be seen. 

Key Takeaway

You don't need to have it all figured out. You just need to be willing to make one different choice. And then another. And then another.

That's how transformation actually happens—not in grand gestures, but in the quiet courage of choosing differently, one day at a time.